Five months out

It's close to the middle of may. I've been living alone for over five months. It does agree with me, in some ways, not in some. It's just another way of being. Living.

Less then two weeks to the huge math exam, less then five days to the next pre-test. I'll be sitting with my nose in the books all friday through monday. I need to get it beat.

I'm so looking forward to a school break. If it wasn't for school, the job would be enjoyable. And probably, a bit, vice versa. But not toghether. That I've had 60-90 hour work weeks... it's been to much. And I really, really can't put myself through that again.

Working on my mental balancing act. So far, 3 out of 4 pre-tests completed. The one I missed I couldn't study for. And two of them, I got 100% score on. And I was the only one both times. But... why is it so hard to belive that I know my shit?

Just finished making food for the week. Seven portions of tomato/bean sauce. 250kcal each, just make pasta or rice, and eat.

Also something I'll be glad to get back into, a exercise regiment. A guitar practice regiment, and... peace. And friends. And music. And roleplaying. And... love.

Nightmare

Umm. Ok, so, I woke up one and a half hours early, trying to escape from a really, really creepy nightmare.

I still can't shake it. So I had to get up, turn on the lights and, start doing shit. I just hope I can get it out of my head until the end of the day.

Today is a 08-23 day... and tomorrow is a 08-00 day... so I'd like to be able to have my sleep.

Moving on

There. Had a easter holiday, sort of. It's mostly been me lying in bed, sleeping. I have slept like a madman.

Everything starts up again, beginning yesterday. And... I just, really wish that I had some more time to relax, and slowly verve up again.

A funny thing happened yesterday, met a really nice woman on the train home from work. We just got to talking and woosh, the trip just flies by. We exchanged numbers and I might already have run into her on facebook. New friends everywhere.

Had Emelie staying over... and we were up until about five in the morning playing Frets of Fire (free guitar hero for computors). It's weird as we're both guitarists, and that game just hands our asses to us.

I am not stable of heart of mind at the moment. It's all just... difficult. So I'm in extra need of friendship and love.

Mathtime.

Two months and the three years.

I've lived in my new appartment for about two months. I'm still... not really that settled in. It continues to feel like a expensive but shabby hotel.

My work and school schedule doesn't really help. I sleep in my room. And that's about it. Sure, I eat some food in the morning. And sometimes scribble on math problems in a frantic way. But that's about it. I need to have friends here, and live in the place.

And knowing that I can't really get anything better until someone thinks it's a good idea to share a appartment with me... is a bit stifeling.

Everything that happened on saturday is really messing me up. I'll not be well until this is resolved.

The move part 1.

Alright. So.

Tomorrow, or in about 9 hours, I will be moving. I am not sure about how long time it'll take getting the internet working. It should only be a few days, if even that. But... things are never that easy. But, just so you know.

The room was small, cold, kind of scruffy and smells of burnt fat and bad cooking.

I must say, it really didn't inspire. It just felt. Wrong.

:/

Yuwie?

Umm. So, ehr, does it work? I really don't know. So far it's looked a bit annoying and unweildly. But I'm trying it out anyway.

Supposedly it's a community, like Facebook, but you get paid a fraction of the money they bring in from advertising.

http://r.yuwie.com/kyrasis

Try it, or don't. Who knows.

Not a new year yet.

Sitting around waiting for mom to come home. Need to start moving the boxes around the appartment so I can clean out my room.

It's happening now. And it's weird, because it'll happen in a few hours and then it'll be all diffrent.

I am not in a good frame of mind though. Fucking up as badly as I did with saving Alex's hard drive... I can't stop berating myself. That's really, really bad.

And, after our little get toghether yesterday, and everyone went home just a little bit after twelve. I felt so alone. I couldn't stop crying. And especially when it comes to me and Alex. Being at her place for two days working on stuff... but not being able to relax, or be intimate. I'm am really cracking at the edges. And not seeing eachother for two months at a time.

I am also not sleeping enough. I'm still up at four in the morning. That's bad.

But this change in where I live can bring alot of good if I can catch it. I know that. And I so sorely wish that I can get people to come visit me, as for the first time in five years, I'll have a say in who comes and goes in my appartment.

So, to help myself catch the good stuff. What do I want?

I want to exercise more again. And my new little idea with 20-30 minute aerobic passes 3-4 times a week seems to work. And using a stepcounter make sure I get 10000 steps a day. That should get me somewhere, right?

Record my music. I'll have six weeks of time before work and school starts. I have more then three albums worth of material, and two major side projects, and much more. And it is my dream. I have no good excuses not to do it.

Finish school. I'm working on it. And the steps I've taken with myself has worked. Continue.

More roleplaying. It's great fun. I have so many ideas. We havn't played in six months.

Meet my friends more. Socialise. And Not make Alex my sole encounter with other people on a personal level. (oh, there was a great pun there, but noone will notice)

But also, I need to get to spend more time with Alex. If this is to be a relationship. We need to see eachother.