Needed meaninglessness

Mostly been cleaning a bit today. Aiming to sort alot of papers tomorrow before going to work.

Got some important mails sent and such.

Still trying to make up a plan of attack for all the stuff I have to do. Why is it so difficult? It's just stuff.

Naked cheesecake fairy.

Actually brings really nice cheesecake. At two o'clock in the morning. Wearing a blanket, as a cape. And no pants.

O.o


Ahem.

Right. Got some much needed guitar practicing done today. Some more One Peice. I'm going ot beat that series. And I went to visit Carl. More guitars were played, taught him Dethkloks 'Go Into the Water'. A very, very manly song. And we played around with the game Prototype. Alot of badassness, yet highly repetative with complete lack of a functioning narrative. Not anything I'd spend money on for sure. But ok to play around with.

Started reading a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A bit longworded, but I hope to crack through it sooner then later. And as i've been sorting my head out for years and not getting anywhere, but now actually trying to find a way to actually get some help. Hope this turns out to be one of the first steps.

Another sort of homecoming.

Ah. Today was dominated by dinner with Alexandra and family. I became last minute cook, and I was asked to recreate a weird homebrew gumbo thing I made up a month ago.

Which was a bit scary to be honest. It was like, chicken, beef and fish. With spinache, crushed tomatoes, onions and chili. With rosemary, soy and diffrent kinds of stock so to give it all kinds of flavours. And to top it of, I put cocoa in there. It was really cool, because you have no clue what you're actually eating.

But... reacreating it. Kinda itimidating, since I didn't remember what I did last time. And it'll probably end up diffrent. And it did. But when we added a hint of Blairs Original Death sauce on top, for us three who wanted a bit more hotness, it ended up where it should be.

It was really nice being back. I very, very much miss that whole aspect of my life. And me and Alex, toghether, hanging out, doing stuff, being us. There's still alot of magic there, when there is time and space for it to happen.

Some sort of remembrance

I've been terribly slow and tired since I got to the new place. I feel like a bit of a letdown to those around me.

Had to get my ass in gear and get to the library for a book return today. Not to mention that I actually have to borrow more books.

Then I was invited to dinner at my friend Emmas place, with two other guys, Oskar and Pontus, and Emmas parents.

Had a long walk there, to get some physical activity in there somewhere. Good conversation, good friendship, surprising compliments on my music. My mp3 player was dragged out of me, and everyone agreed upon my slosh recordings being awesome and they want my albums. I keep kicking myself for not having been able to get further then I have.

Now I sit here blogging a bit before brushing my teeth and heading for bed. I have no clue where my roomie is. Is he asleep, out partying, who knows. The only thing I know is, he's damn slicker then me at not doing stuff. :P

Blubb, blubb, blubb, in the water.

Today was the first full day back at work.

You always forget between terms just how badly your head gets messed up by doing five hours of continous lessons without break.

But it was fun. The electric guitar groups got to play some bad ass Dethklok, the song Go Into the Water. It's such a massive metal song. Awesome riff, you can play it over and over and just get more amped. Also had a beginner acustic group for 10-13 year olds. Looks like it'll be a good group with fast learners.

I've come home to a empty appartment. Enjoying the silence, tea, and a few episodes of One Peice. And good msn based friendship.

Got a bunch of go-around-town stuff I need to do. Basic food shoping, shoe shopping, library visit, bank visit. It just feels madly uninspiring. And I really wish for a full nights rest. I'm madly tired and I want this damn painful knot out of my back.

Alex is apparently handing in her essay papers. After that there should only be the presentation left. I really, truly, madly hope that this will allow us some time toghether. Everything was going along rather nicely, but the stress and the busy gets in there and ruins things.

Hmm, also have alot of papers, cds and stuff here at home that I'd like to go through. Need to prep everything so I can start writing again.

O.K.

Dammit. No.

You're not better off then you make for yourself. Sitting around feeling crap in the head isn't constructive.

I've thought of getting back to writing a actual diary, ol' pen and paper style, since it helps. But hell, I spend more time at the computer. And I can practice guitar between thinking of things.

Yes. Lets try being a bit candid and truthful about the day to, if not anything else, put my days in some sort of realistic perspective.

I spent alot of last night, and this morning, sitting and watching One Peice with Gus. That series is alot of fun, and I think the only real humor based anime that I feel a good solid connection with. Maybe sometime I'll get around to some other series. But as I'm on episdoe 30 of like... 555+ episodes and films. Yikes.

I'm reading through Mötley Crüs - The Dirt biografy book. It's a tough one. It's hard to care for these guys in any sense. Everyone has had similar tough times, but they just did the drug thing. And the asshole thing. More asshole then drug thing. I just don't get how they can be worshipped as heroes. But I'm 3/4 through it. Two or three more nights at most left.

As I was watching awesomeness with Gus, we both got up kinda late, around noon. Guess it's kinda good that we are on the exact same rythm when it comes to sleep. My excuse is coming home late from work and being a night person. Wonder what his is. :P

Today was the first day back at work. It's weird. Classes are missing students. And I don't know why. There's been problems getting letters out to students about new courses. But I can only speculate that there's still a good whiff of bad economy whafting about. Anyway, the first lesson went well. Rehashing some old ground to make sure we know it, and yeah, both me and the students need to work on some fingerpicking. We really need to at least be able to do the basics properly.

Also, Gus is doing the date thingy, so I suggested that I should stay away for a couple of hours extra. Turned out one students mom/our secretary, something inbetween, had got the times mixed up. So I hung around and gave her a free hour lesson. Had some dinner, left over creamy curry and rice. Practiced a bit, although tired and headache kinda ruined that. Got some more papers in order and prepared for tomorrow, which will be a full day. Electic guitars aplenty and adult beginners on acustic guitars.

Now sitting around blogging, guitaring and wondering if I shouldn't cram in some episodes of OP. Luffy is king. Or will be. Whatever.

Where am I?

I keep waking up in a strange place.

And my mind is closed inside some crystalline prison. I can see out. But I can't crack it or break it.

I don't want to be a burden to anyone around me. I don't know how to ask for help. I know of some goals. But even though they are small. It all seems unatainable.

I hate crypticly sad blogg entries.

That's not supposed to be.