Two months and the three years.

I've lived in my new appartment for about two months. I'm still... not really that settled in. It continues to feel like a expensive but shabby hotel.

My work and school schedule doesn't really help. I sleep in my room. And that's about it. Sure, I eat some food in the morning. And sometimes scribble on math problems in a frantic way. But that's about it. I need to have friends here, and live in the place.

And knowing that I can't really get anything better until someone thinks it's a good idea to share a appartment with me... is a bit stifeling.

Everything that happened on saturday is really messing me up. I'll not be well until this is resolved.

The move part 1.

Alright. So.

Tomorrow, or in about 9 hours, I will be moving. I am not sure about how long time it'll take getting the internet working. It should only be a few days, if even that. But... things are never that easy. But, just so you know.

The room was small, cold, kind of scruffy and smells of burnt fat and bad cooking.

I must say, it really didn't inspire. It just felt. Wrong.

:/

Yuwie?

Umm. So, ehr, does it work? I really don't know. So far it's looked a bit annoying and unweildly. But I'm trying it out anyway.

Supposedly it's a community, like Facebook, but you get paid a fraction of the money they bring in from advertising.

http://r.yuwie.com/kyrasis

Try it, or don't. Who knows.

Not a new year yet.

Sitting around waiting for mom to come home. Need to start moving the boxes around the appartment so I can clean out my room.

It's happening now. And it's weird, because it'll happen in a few hours and then it'll be all diffrent.

I am not in a good frame of mind though. Fucking up as badly as I did with saving Alex's hard drive... I can't stop berating myself. That's really, really bad.

And, after our little get toghether yesterday, and everyone went home just a little bit after twelve. I felt so alone. I couldn't stop crying. And especially when it comes to me and Alex. Being at her place for two days working on stuff... but not being able to relax, or be intimate. I'm am really cracking at the edges. And not seeing eachother for two months at a time.

I am also not sleeping enough. I'm still up at four in the morning. That's bad.

But this change in where I live can bring alot of good if I can catch it. I know that. And I so sorely wish that I can get people to come visit me, as for the first time in five years, I'll have a say in who comes and goes in my appartment.

So, to help myself catch the good stuff. What do I want?

I want to exercise more again. And my new little idea with 20-30 minute aerobic passes 3-4 times a week seems to work. And using a stepcounter make sure I get 10000 steps a day. That should get me somewhere, right?

Record my music. I'll have six weeks of time before work and school starts. I have more then three albums worth of material, and two major side projects, and much more. And it is my dream. I have no good excuses not to do it.

Finish school. I'm working on it. And the steps I've taken with myself has worked. Continue.

More roleplaying. It's great fun. I have so many ideas. We havn't played in six months.

Meet my friends more. Socialise. And Not make Alex my sole encounter with other people on a personal level. (oh, there was a great pun there, but noone will notice)

But also, I need to get to spend more time with Alex. If this is to be a relationship. We need to see eachother.

Three days til christmas...

Damn it's been good to just Relax.

But it didn't last.

Dammit.

I am pretty sure I beat the exam. Someone will have to spill plenty of coffée on that thing to make it fail.

Had a very fitful sleep. I kept thinking it was the day before and that I had to get up early. Spent the day cleaning up, handling paper, packing a bit more, deciding that I'm not running of to the post office and that stuff. Save it until tomorrow.

Played some rock and blues, damn that's fun. But I always feel childish whilst doing it. I need more practice.

But a great day ends with arguments here at home. And I'm feeling terribly alone. Nobody bloody calls. All friends are going off to far off places.

And it's really, really annoying that I can't find a car to help with fetching the new computor. Ah, well. I've got Carl... we'll manhandle the thing homewards.

Writing to get it off my mind

Exam tomorrow.

I've been following stuff, I've been studying. Right now... I feel like I just don't give a shit. Holy crap this is boring. If you could study it slowly and get to go through this stuff more practically and experiment, it'd be really interesting. But abstract physics? Blurgh.

And even though I've been through everything during this week. I need to speed through it again to have it fresh in my memory.

But I'm all hazy. I just want to sleep, go hide or something. I've had really weird rythm all week. I can't sleep because of anexiety, although, again, better this time. But I'm just... out there and can't focus anymore. I wonder if I should just go fuck it, play some games, and then just go and do my best. Or cram like mad until I need to go.

Maybe I should do something inbetween.


On a completly unrelated up-note. IT'S BACK!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0jSxRBvh3bk

One of the damn funniest videos ever. Good times to be had by all!

Packing

Got five days until the exam. And I've been pretty good at studying. But you can always do more. *sigh* I'm scared. Really scared.

And I just keep getting the feeling that I'm forgetting and missing so many things concerning moving. And I'm getting more and more worried about the financial aspects of it all. I'm trying so hard to push it all to the back of my head and just live in the now and do what I can.

I can't remember when I last saw Alex. And she's swamped with school, and sick at the moment. She's really down, can't see any openings or any time to see me, she can't focus on anything fun... and is in a period of feeling like utter crap and that people don't like her.

It's really, really hard to be supportive, call and try and say hi and make what you can out of a phone call. I need to figure out some way to cheer her up. And I need to figure out a way to cheer me up. Mr. Gul, dood, you've been the greatest for that. And thank you again.

But I need to meet people, and do things as well. Argh.