Free?

I think I passed the exam. I dare not hope. So I have to wait three weeks until I get the results.

But I'm experiencing a feeling of freedom. Not having to get up early and pushing, straining, through each and every day. I work as a guitar teacher for one more week, and then wednesdays for three weeks.

But I can damn well do whatever I want.

The interesting thing is that what I started doing was making a list, of all the shit, I need to do. Although now, I get to choose how and when to do them.

It will take a while to recover from the exam and this semesters trials.

I've been completly overwhelmed by all the emotions, urges and activities that I've had to repress during the term, so that I could focus on school. So, alot of things that needs resolving. And alot of things that need to be felt.

Nine days.

Nine days to exam. It's so hard balancing out and not just running away.

Tomorrow is the last control-exam. I need to beat it, so I'll be studying all day. I've had four days, and I havn't got that much focused studying out of it. :/ And then on saturday my students are playing their concert, that's a whole day of exam studying lost.

And as soon as the damn exam is done... I'll either be devastated, or set free. But no worrying about that. Just, do it.

Five months out

It's close to the middle of may. I've been living alone for over five months. It does agree with me, in some ways, not in some. It's just another way of being. Living.

Less then two weeks to the huge math exam, less then five days to the next pre-test. I'll be sitting with my nose in the books all friday through monday. I need to get it beat.

I'm so looking forward to a school break. If it wasn't for school, the job would be enjoyable. And probably, a bit, vice versa. But not toghether. That I've had 60-90 hour work weeks... it's been to much. And I really, really can't put myself through that again.

Working on my mental balancing act. So far, 3 out of 4 pre-tests completed. The one I missed I couldn't study for. And two of them, I got 100% score on. And I was the only one both times. But... why is it so hard to belive that I know my shit?

Just finished making food for the week. Seven portions of tomato/bean sauce. 250kcal each, just make pasta or rice, and eat.

Also something I'll be glad to get back into, a exercise regiment. A guitar practice regiment, and... peace. And friends. And music. And roleplaying. And... love.