Today, I... woke up happy.
Which is strange, as the evil constructionworkers made their noise, and a airconditioning inspector wanted to get into the appartment.
Today is one of those rare great days where I feel happy. It's so fickle and fleeting but I'm going to hold on for dear life.
Got to know yet another teacher on the train today. Ling, who teaches chinease. It's weird, I hang out with a bunch of language teachers. And the teacher in art history. Damn. I've gotten to know a bunch of really nice people. Hope I can get to know them better. We've got so little time outside the classrooms.
A drunk guy got on the train while I was conversing with Ling. And he wanted to talk to us. Dang, I was hard pressed to keep the guy occupied. He had slight aggressive tendensies, and wanted to talk politics, as he was a lobbyist. It's really weird to agree with someone in that state. But he got off finally. And I was called brave by my new friend. Thank you Ling. It's just sad how much experience I have calming down drunkies.
And now, sitting here, tired like mad, from a long day... I'm getting really scared about loosing this feeling. The feeling that I can actually do thing. And the continuing remembrance of all the good things I have around me.
Oh, and btw. Hot Fuzz, is like, the best film ever! And you better all go listen to Devin Townsend hardrock musical Ziltoid the Omniscient. Damn that's great stuff!
torsdag 27 september 2007
lördag 22 september 2007
One week.
First week of work, done. Ten weeks in all to get through. And damn, it's tough. There's so damn much to read for this course. It's not that hard, it's just alot, and getting the mental strenght to read when your brain is melting from thinking about teaching.
The constant weird feeling at home is still here. I am not welcome here. So it's a constant downer wish zaps my energy.
But I can't help thinking if I should try to be... tactical about the appartment, and school. I'm actually having to sit on some not-yet-turned-in essays, so that if I fail courses in the future, I can hand them in and get the necessary points so I don't loose my financial support, or my coming appartment. And that's just... weird.
But, being good at my job is still a good feeling. And I can still feel that.
It'll be at least three weeks without Alex. Sucks. And their weird broken phone lines doesn't help. :/
And looking at how much I've got to to with the damn course... I can probably get half a day of per week, being saturday evenings. Ok, sure. I stop work on fridays at glorious seven o'clock. So I could do something then. Like, ehr... talk with strange people on the commutor train.
Argh. I keep knocking down one or two of the 'must get done things'. Still a bunch left, important e-mails, health stuff, etc. Not mentining that Thomann got very quiet about returning the guitar. Gawd dammit. But I need to get rid of these as they also help in bringing me down.
And then there's the isolation thing. I talk to just about one friend on a every other day basis, Linus. Because his computer is on, and he happens to be home at the same times as me. This is not good. Sure, I meet people at work. But that really isn't the same thing.
I don't know... I keep hoping that I'll get a few responses on this blogg. That someone else isn't quite as busy as me and might be able to fix up some roleplaying, or just a time to hang and say hi. But I know very well that I am the architect of my isolation and my mountain of commitments.
Tomorrow, taekwon-do, the one time per week I'll be able to go. And on friday, consert. Symphony X and Dream Theater. Two bands on my need to see list. Sadly, I don't think they'll be playing any of the music from the albums I know, but... oh well.
The constant weird feeling at home is still here. I am not welcome here. So it's a constant downer wish zaps my energy.
But I can't help thinking if I should try to be... tactical about the appartment, and school. I'm actually having to sit on some not-yet-turned-in essays, so that if I fail courses in the future, I can hand them in and get the necessary points so I don't loose my financial support, or my coming appartment. And that's just... weird.
But, being good at my job is still a good feeling. And I can still feel that.
It'll be at least three weeks without Alex. Sucks. And their weird broken phone lines doesn't help. :/
And looking at how much I've got to to with the damn course... I can probably get half a day of per week, being saturday evenings. Ok, sure. I stop work on fridays at glorious seven o'clock. So I could do something then. Like, ehr... talk with strange people on the commutor train.
Argh. I keep knocking down one or two of the 'must get done things'. Still a bunch left, important e-mails, health stuff, etc. Not mentining that Thomann got very quiet about returning the guitar. Gawd dammit. But I need to get rid of these as they also help in bringing me down.
And then there's the isolation thing. I talk to just about one friend on a every other day basis, Linus. Because his computer is on, and he happens to be home at the same times as me. This is not good. Sure, I meet people at work. But that really isn't the same thing.
I don't know... I keep hoping that I'll get a few responses on this blogg. That someone else isn't quite as busy as me and might be able to fix up some roleplaying, or just a time to hang and say hi. But I know very well that I am the architect of my isolation and my mountain of commitments.
Tomorrow, taekwon-do, the one time per week I'll be able to go. And on friday, consert. Symphony X and Dream Theater. Two bands on my need to see list. Sadly, I don't think they'll be playing any of the music from the albums I know, but... oh well.
måndag 17 september 2007
I'm great at my job.
Damnit, I'm a real great guy to work with. And I am a good teacher.
How come I have all these great experiences when out working, but just about only horrible ones whilst studying? (not to mention that I've read for about three hours today, double what I planned and needed.)
It's all going great. Knock on wood.
Gawd, but there's still all those things to do...
Tomorrow I'm going to have to call down to germany about returning the broken guitar. Argh. If they don't handle this smoothly, I'll flip my lid, blow my top, kick someone in the head. Hard.
Oh, and I'm going to have to admit to some bad thoughts. During my long-ass wait-around-for-my-next-class-to-beginn time, a ran around and helped other teachers get their stuff toghether and get ready. Most have never been in those rooms before. When... I run into... 'that' person. A small quiet japanese girl who teaches, duh, japanese. But hot damn, she was so stereotypically sweet. (that's not a bad stereotype! you just don't see them to often!) Helped her get settled, and then we were finished at the same time and shared a train home. Meiumi (trying to remember a teachers name amongst all my students, Hard!) She's a really cool person, I hope to get more oppertunities to talk to her. Well, heck, I strike people as a stereotypical viking. It'd be fun to watch as walking down the street.
Now, a general question to everyone... What does it mean when your girlfriend tells you she's had brittish homoerotic sessions with a friend of hers, and she thinks that she and I should have those as well?
I belive there's a couple of problems with those statements. X and Y cromosomes for a start. There's some internal humor at work which I am yet to, penetrate.
How come I have all these great experiences when out working, but just about only horrible ones whilst studying? (not to mention that I've read for about three hours today, double what I planned and needed.)
It's all going great. Knock on wood.
Gawd, but there's still all those things to do...
Tomorrow I'm going to have to call down to germany about returning the broken guitar. Argh. If they don't handle this smoothly, I'll flip my lid, blow my top, kick someone in the head. Hard.
Oh, and I'm going to have to admit to some bad thoughts. During my long-ass wait-around-for-my-next-class-to-beginn time, a ran around and helped other teachers get their stuff toghether and get ready. Most have never been in those rooms before. When... I run into... 'that' person. A small quiet japanese girl who teaches, duh, japanese. But hot damn, she was so stereotypically sweet. (that's not a bad stereotype! you just don't see them to often!) Helped her get settled, and then we were finished at the same time and shared a train home. Meiumi (trying to remember a teachers name amongst all my students, Hard!) She's a really cool person, I hope to get more oppertunities to talk to her. Well, heck, I strike people as a stereotypical viking. It'd be fun to watch as walking down the street.
Now, a general question to everyone... What does it mean when your girlfriend tells you she's had brittish homoerotic sessions with a friend of hers, and she thinks that she and I should have those as well?
I belive there's a couple of problems with those statements. X and Y cromosomes for a start. There's some internal humor at work which I am yet to, penetrate.
söndag 16 september 2007
Where's my guitar revisited
So, I was able to pick up my package, a month after ordering it, this friday.
12kg of package goodness.
Opening everything, it all looks good.
But no. The guitar is busted on arrival. And it actually looks like it's a dry-crack. (Hence the guitar having been built badly, and the wood dries out and cracks.) So... the mess still isn't over.
This is not funny anymore. Seriously.
Gotten my course stuff toghether. Started working on everything. Already getting annoyed that my project mates aren't reading their e-mail and doing their work on time.
And tomorrow, it's time for work. And it's work with a huuuge wait in the middle. 15:45-16:30 I work, and then... argh... 19:30 to 21:00. I'm gonna have to bring all my litterature. And something to keep me entertained in the middle.
I belive I'm going to have to start searching for a computer of my own. I trying to figure out whether a laptop or a desktop will be better for my needs. KTH might have some special offers on laptops for students... argh... it's another complex thing that I need to look into.
As I do own a laptop already, but it's got alot of glitches and it likes to shut down for no reason. Hmm.
The death of my stereo is also a big concern. The tape deck hasn't been working for years... but when the cd player dies, and I only own one LP... then it's time to say goodbye. Sadly.
12kg of package goodness.
Opening everything, it all looks good.
But no. The guitar is busted on arrival. And it actually looks like it's a dry-crack. (Hence the guitar having been built badly, and the wood dries out and cracks.) So... the mess still isn't over.
This is not funny anymore. Seriously.
Gotten my course stuff toghether. Started working on everything. Already getting annoyed that my project mates aren't reading their e-mail and doing their work on time.
And tomorrow, it's time for work. And it's work with a huuuge wait in the middle. 15:45-16:30 I work, and then... argh... 19:30 to 21:00. I'm gonna have to bring all my litterature. And something to keep me entertained in the middle.
I belive I'm going to have to start searching for a computer of my own. I trying to figure out whether a laptop or a desktop will be better for my needs. KTH might have some special offers on laptops for students... argh... it's another complex thing that I need to look into.
As I do own a laptop already, but it's got alot of glitches and it likes to shut down for no reason. Hmm.
The death of my stereo is also a big concern. The tape deck hasn't been working for years... but when the cd player dies, and I only own one LP... then it's time to say goodbye. Sadly.
torsdag 13 september 2007
Monday, the third start.
Taekwon-do started, and it all went well. I'm right now dripping dry from a late bath. It was a great workout today. I'm going to be sore and tired. Heck, I am sore and tired. But, as the third start comes monday, I'll be limited to training TKD on sundays. Serious bummer. I've been attending 3-4 times per week... It really does me good, and I'd really enjoy getting good. Not mentioning that my body craves it.
School was, and still is, a bit of a rollercoaster... I've got my courses down for the fall, finaly, although got a very beurocratic e-mail just now, that someone, somewhere, hasn't registered something. And I'd be damned if I know what, but it's apparently important.
Got alot of small annoying things that need sorting out. I need to bring my amp and gear back home from the rehersal room. I don't like it standing there and me not being able to supervise. Gotta mess with the post to get my package sent to me, as they keep sending it back to Malmö or out of the country. Smart people. Need to get in conntact with Studenthälsan, for help with facing exams. Need to go to the dentist, and a normal medical doctor. Still alot of stuff I need to clear up for moving out (where the hell do you buy moving boxes, seriously?) Oh, and my stereo exploded and died. Hard toll on the audiofile.
Argh, and I need to get to play music, with a band again, I don't care what, I just need to. I'm falling apart. And I need to practice more, and record more, and I want to work more with Linus on the tab-book, and start doing pedagogical drafts for the guitar school idea, and the tribute projects... FAQ! There's so much to do.
But, in all fairness, I've actually been good at doing shit this week. There's just, alot, to do with the new course. 8-10 pages report to write for the huge ass project, and there's a written exam... with five books to memorise, and all the frigging seminars. That's mad for such a small course.
But, monday starts work. 10 weeks. With a one week break in the middle apparently. School is out for the kiddies... and, heck, it'll be good with a short break in the middle.
Otherwise, I'm really obsessing about getting all my reading for the course done. Damn it's scary. I'm trying to find ways to control it.
School was, and still is, a bit of a rollercoaster... I've got my courses down for the fall, finaly, although got a very beurocratic e-mail just now, that someone, somewhere, hasn't registered something. And I'd be damned if I know what, but it's apparently important.
Got alot of small annoying things that need sorting out. I need to bring my amp and gear back home from the rehersal room. I don't like it standing there and me not being able to supervise. Gotta mess with the post to get my package sent to me, as they keep sending it back to Malmö or out of the country. Smart people. Need to get in conntact with Studenthälsan, for help with facing exams. Need to go to the dentist, and a normal medical doctor. Still alot of stuff I need to clear up for moving out (where the hell do you buy moving boxes, seriously?) Oh, and my stereo exploded and died. Hard toll on the audiofile.
Argh, and I need to get to play music, with a band again, I don't care what, I just need to. I'm falling apart. And I need to practice more, and record more, and I want to work more with Linus on the tab-book, and start doing pedagogical drafts for the guitar school idea, and the tribute projects... FAQ! There's so much to do.
But, in all fairness, I've actually been good at doing shit this week. There's just, alot, to do with the new course. 8-10 pages report to write for the huge ass project, and there's a written exam... with five books to memorise, and all the frigging seminars. That's mad for such a small course.
But, monday starts work. 10 weeks. With a one week break in the middle apparently. School is out for the kiddies... and, heck, it'll be good with a short break in the middle.
Otherwise, I'm really obsessing about getting all my reading for the course done. Damn it's scary. I'm trying to find ways to control it.
söndag 2 september 2007
Starts
Tomorrow it's back to KTH.
Isodonwannago! Or, well. It's the change of getting back into constantly doing shit. Instead of... not doing shit.
Or maybe it's just the major headache I'm having right now that's getting me down. Bleh.
Thursday I was back at Taekwon-do. Good stuff. Being tired like that is good. But I did get very annoyed at all the small ways the body won't do as told.
Argh. There's just so much stuff to do. And I've been great at putting things off.
List.
Prioritise.
Check off one by one.
Must stop making things more difficult then they are.
But I'm tired and I feel a bit ill actually. I was going to go train today but I don't want to get sick.
I got to have a wonderful day with Alex yesterday. We met up downtown and I went with her looking at shoes and clothes. It's surprising that we most of the time agree on what looks good and not. And it's just wonderful to walk around, diss the way people have designed things... I got to hear some really important things I needed to hear. And they became important and powerful because I didn't need to ask for them or explain. Thank you. I need that. The day ended with watching Riget II with her family. And then spending two hours looking at pictures of horrible diseases on the internet. I almost faint at every single image, but to her it's fascinating in that weird academic medicinal way.
*love*
*tingle*
Argh, got half a page left on the last essay thing I'm writing. I just wish I could get rid of the headache and finish working on it.
Isodonwannago! Or, well. It's the change of getting back into constantly doing shit. Instead of... not doing shit.
Or maybe it's just the major headache I'm having right now that's getting me down. Bleh.
Thursday I was back at Taekwon-do. Good stuff. Being tired like that is good. But I did get very annoyed at all the small ways the body won't do as told.
Argh. There's just so much stuff to do. And I've been great at putting things off.
List.
Prioritise.
Check off one by one.
Must stop making things more difficult then they are.
But I'm tired and I feel a bit ill actually. I was going to go train today but I don't want to get sick.
I got to have a wonderful day with Alex yesterday. We met up downtown and I went with her looking at shoes and clothes. It's surprising that we most of the time agree on what looks good and not. And it's just wonderful to walk around, diss the way people have designed things... I got to hear some really important things I needed to hear. And they became important and powerful because I didn't need to ask for them or explain. Thank you. I need that. The day ended with watching Riget II with her family. And then spending two hours looking at pictures of horrible diseases on the internet. I almost faint at every single image, but to her it's fascinating in that weird academic medicinal way.
*love*
*tingle*
Argh, got half a page left on the last essay thing I'm writing. I just wish I could get rid of the headache and finish working on it.
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