One week.

First week of work, done. Ten weeks in all to get through. And damn, it's tough. There's so damn much to read for this course. It's not that hard, it's just alot, and getting the mental strenght to read when your brain is melting from thinking about teaching.

The constant weird feeling at home is still here. I am not welcome here. So it's a constant downer wish zaps my energy.

But I can't help thinking if I should try to be... tactical about the appartment, and school. I'm actually having to sit on some not-yet-turned-in essays, so that if I fail courses in the future, I can hand them in and get the necessary points so I don't loose my financial support, or my coming appartment. And that's just... weird.

But, being good at my job is still a good feeling. And I can still feel that.

It'll be at least three weeks without Alex. Sucks. And their weird broken phone lines doesn't help. :/

And looking at how much I've got to to with the damn course... I can probably get half a day of per week, being saturday evenings. Ok, sure. I stop work on fridays at glorious seven o'clock. So I could do something then. Like, ehr... talk with strange people on the commutor train.

Argh. I keep knocking down one or two of the 'must get done things'. Still a bunch left, important e-mails, health stuff, etc. Not mentining that Thomann got very quiet about returning the guitar. Gawd dammit. But I need to get rid of these as they also help in bringing me down.

And then there's the isolation thing. I talk to just about one friend on a every other day basis, Linus. Because his computer is on, and he happens to be home at the same times as me. This is not good. Sure, I meet people at work. But that really isn't the same thing.

I don't know... I keep hoping that I'll get a few responses on this blogg. That someone else isn't quite as busy as me and might be able to fix up some roleplaying, or just a time to hang and say hi. But I know very well that I am the architect of my isolation and my mountain of commitments.

Tomorrow, taekwon-do, the one time per week I'll be able to go. And on friday, consert. Symphony X and Dream Theater. Two bands on my need to see list. Sadly, I don't think they'll be playing any of the music from the albums I know, but... oh well.