Many years ago something grew inside of your mother.
That thing was You
You
You, You, You, You
Did she scream did she cry
Only those who are born
are the ones who get to Die
One more year closer to dying
Rotting organs ripping grinding
Biological disconcordance
Birthday equals self-abhorrence
Years keep passing aging always
Mutate into vapid slugs
Doctor gives a new prescription
Bullet in a fucking gun
One more year closer to dying
Plastic surgeons fuel the lying
You forget why you came in here
Your mind rots with every New Year
RSVP Please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Happy birthday
You're gonna die
Now you're old and full of hatred
Take a pill to masturbated
Children point to you and scream
Because one day they'll become that thing
One more year of further suffering
there's no point of fucking bluffing
Open up your Dethday present
It's a box of fucking nothing
RSVP Please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Die Die
Dethday
Birthday
Dethday
Die Die
Dethday
Birthday
Dethday
RSVP Please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Happy Birthday
You're gonna die
___________________________________
Tomorrow it is. And I get up at 05:45, go to school. And then go to work. I get home at 22:30 at the earliest.
Thanks Dethklok.
onsdag 28 november 2007
torsdag 22 november 2007
onsdag 21 november 2007
Appartment
So, yesterday I got my contract. The second of febuary I can move in.
So much to do.
Especially the bit about getting a car and the bit about hiring a cart, and getting a computer of my own, and moving boxes, and home insuerance, and what furniture to bring, and... and... argh...
I'm also getting annoyed with the laser course. Dammit. I feel like I don't remember a thing. And every time I sit down to work on it, I start getting a panic attack.
And as I will be moving, now I want to pack. I want to pack everything up right now so it will be ready.
A lucky coincidence, the guitar I ordered might be arriving by next week. The guy working with me at the reclamation center has been really good to me and actually dug up a guitar even though they weren't supposed to get it in until march. So I'll cross my fingers that it'll all work out.
I wonder. I spent my saturday evening giving Alex massage. (love, love, love...) but, when I woke up today. I thought I'd snap in half. I've been stressing around and I feel like crap so it's not strange. I need some.
So much to do.
Especially the bit about getting a car and the bit about hiring a cart, and getting a computer of my own, and moving boxes, and home insuerance, and what furniture to bring, and... and... argh...
I'm also getting annoyed with the laser course. Dammit. I feel like I don't remember a thing. And every time I sit down to work on it, I start getting a panic attack.
And as I will be moving, now I want to pack. I want to pack everything up right now so it will be ready.
A lucky coincidence, the guitar I ordered might be arriving by next week. The guy working with me at the reclamation center has been really good to me and actually dug up a guitar even though they weren't supposed to get it in until march. So I'll cross my fingers that it'll all work out.
I wonder. I spent my saturday evening giving Alex massage. (love, love, love...) but, when I woke up today. I thought I'd snap in half. I've been stressing around and I feel like crap so it's not strange. I need some.
söndag 11 november 2007
Cold
Everything is cold and I'm feeling numb.
I'm fighting with a small ball of panic. I don't know what to do. I'm desperatly trying to relax. But I keep coughing. And being anxious.
Maybe I could go to TKD today. But the cough is still a bit to bad. Next week? At least the sinew in my leg seems fine.
Maybe I could go for a walk, that relives stress. Listen to a Pratchett book. But it's so cold. On the other hand, I need to go shopping for granddad.
I miss Alex. Anexiety, technical difficulties and just all bloody stress from school has sunk or plans to see eachother for months. I need her.
Every little small thing that needs doing feels huge, gigantic. I hate that feeling. As it's all small and generally easy. But I get anexiety at home. And I get it from the bloody exams that I need to pass. And... weather I've passed the one I did a month ago, or not, will really, really affect me. To think that I'll have to re-do it. Again. I... can't accept that. Not when I worked so bloody hard on it.
I'm fighting with a small ball of panic. I don't know what to do. I'm desperatly trying to relax. But I keep coughing. And being anxious.
Maybe I could go to TKD today. But the cough is still a bit to bad. Next week? At least the sinew in my leg seems fine.
Maybe I could go for a walk, that relives stress. Listen to a Pratchett book. But it's so cold. On the other hand, I need to go shopping for granddad.
I miss Alex. Anexiety, technical difficulties and just all bloody stress from school has sunk or plans to see eachother for months. I need her.
Every little small thing that needs doing feels huge, gigantic. I hate that feeling. As it's all small and generally easy. But I get anexiety at home. And I get it from the bloody exams that I need to pass. And... weather I've passed the one I did a month ago, or not, will really, really affect me. To think that I'll have to re-do it. Again. I... can't accept that. Not when I worked so bloody hard on it.
onsdag 7 november 2007
Just tired.
I am totaly out there. I'm having trouble separating the days. There's to much going on.
Still a week until I get to know the result of the exam. And that is a horrible naging thing in the back of my head. New course has started, with, of course, alot to do. I can miss some seminars, because I've got all the material written down since last time. But there is Alot to sit down and simply calculate through and number-crunch so I get back into the swing of it.
Still alot of annoyance concerning the reclamation of the guitar I bought now over three months ago.
I don't know... I'm in a state of panic. Without real good reason. But mom is managing to create a severly hostile feeling here at home. And I can't bloody well hurry up the appartment que. It is a que. And it's a really, really nice feeling to be totaly unwanted and wished out. For no apparent reason then that the other person is having trouble with herself.
And I can't seem to reach her or get her to understand what she's doing. It's just, not her anymore.
But, a bright side, that I'm holding on to for all I'm worth, is that in three weeks both tuesdays and thursdays should be free. The ten-week semester at work will be done for those courses. And from then on courses will be finishing every week. Sadly, all the way up until exam time, well, the day before. But, at least, it's less things to do. And hell, I've got six weeks to study for this exam. Which I last time only missed by 0.5 and 1.5 points, out of like 50. And I'll damn well stand up for myself and demand to get to do something to show that I know how, if I for some strange reason fail.
My good friend Kim just asked me if I'd like to try living with him for a couple of weeks, until things get... sorted out. I must admit to slight tears in my eyes. It feels really great that I have friends like this. In that respect, I am so lucky. And it's sad that I don't get to see much of them as we're all doing diffrent (and stressful) things now.
Still a week until I get to know the result of the exam. And that is a horrible naging thing in the back of my head. New course has started, with, of course, alot to do. I can miss some seminars, because I've got all the material written down since last time. But there is Alot to sit down and simply calculate through and number-crunch so I get back into the swing of it.
Still alot of annoyance concerning the reclamation of the guitar I bought now over three months ago.
I don't know... I'm in a state of panic. Without real good reason. But mom is managing to create a severly hostile feeling here at home. And I can't bloody well hurry up the appartment que. It is a que. And it's a really, really nice feeling to be totaly unwanted and wished out. For no apparent reason then that the other person is having trouble with herself.
And I can't seem to reach her or get her to understand what she's doing. It's just, not her anymore.
But, a bright side, that I'm holding on to for all I'm worth, is that in three weeks both tuesdays and thursdays should be free. The ten-week semester at work will be done for those courses. And from then on courses will be finishing every week. Sadly, all the way up until exam time, well, the day before. But, at least, it's less things to do. And hell, I've got six weeks to study for this exam. Which I last time only missed by 0.5 and 1.5 points, out of like 50. And I'll damn well stand up for myself and demand to get to do something to show that I know how, if I for some strange reason fail.
My good friend Kim just asked me if I'd like to try living with him for a couple of weeks, until things get... sorted out. I must admit to slight tears in my eyes. It feels really great that I have friends like this. In that respect, I am so lucky. And it's sad that I don't get to see much of them as we're all doing diffrent (and stressful) things now.
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