Decide to live

The thought processes just keep on milling in the back of my head.

All the sadness and tragicness of what happened, the wrongness.

I got to meet Alex and Vicky for the first time since it happened yesterday. That felt really good to me. I could be of some use. Making them feel better. It's weird how making people feel better and taking control of a situation becomes my number one priority.

But there wasn't much time. We had some coffee, and that was that, Alex had to run off. I took Vicky home, to be sure. And then had a long walk home by myself through a dark forest.

I can't help feeling though that I've greived. I want to be me again. Stupid schoolwork heading in, starting tomorrow.

And I'm again trying to bestow a plan on myself, with daylie routines of physical training and guitar practice.

Which is weird as I teach guitar all day. But I, quite seriously, don't get to do anything that makes me grow. Ok, my understanding of scales has improved, but technicality feels to be falling away under me.

But. Planned the B-day. Trying to use facebook for the first time to send out invitations. Need to get the regular ones out today.