Rage days

I've been so angry and sad the last few day and yesterday it erupted. I'm so glad I've got concrete walls. Even though my hands are bruised.

Shit has got to change.

I got dumped on by four diffrent groups of friends yesterday. Everyone had decided that I was supposed to show up, or we had actually decided something. But everyone I had decided with changed things without telling me. Leaving me hanging, alone in rain, with a mobile that doesn't want to work. And then three groups more started yelling at me for not coming... when they'd never bothered telling me about it in the first place.

I need someone to fucking emotionally invest in me. I need some damn physical closeness and intimacy. I've stopped feeling like a person and just a, walking body, doing menial labours.

And my appartment is so fucking cold.

Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate; hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate...

Today I'm a nice man. Surely.